7 October 2011 – Dr Hickey Park

Charlie Cannon              Great hair

With Ireland unceremoniously dumped out of the World Cup, it was left to the J4 Barbarians to inspire rugby supporters nationwide. In true Nicotine 15 fashion they did not disappoint, running in five tries  in an astonishing display of rugby worthy of any World Cup semi final (even if BOC and the boys were not).

Try scorers in this extravaganza were Niall “call me Campese” Savage, Neil “Renault” Meganne, Stephen “Better than Carlos” Dempsey, The Nooge and a joint Lyle Hazelton / Duiler touchdown.

Alas it was not a day for the kickers but they were not needed and would even have spoiled the spectacle.

Selection

King Kenny got the little black book out again this week and skipped the 86 pages of girls names (each with a number of stars after wards) straight to the “lads” section (some of which also had stars including Rodolfo who had 6 stars after his name).

Thus the Baa-baas were the typical mix of washed up first team players with dodgy knees( insert one name here), washed up thirtysomethings who were never good enough for the firsts (insert twelve names here), a youth with blistering pace (Danny McQuaide) and Hoey (nothing typical about him).

Keira Knightley - nothing to do with this article who cares

Try Machine Savage and Psycho Hoey propped down at one and three joined by the magnificent mullet of Charlie Cannon at hooker. Rasher (sandwich) Giller and Hardman Harnett were a tag team of bruisers from the WWF (The Nasty Boys??) and the balding Neil Megannety was joined in the back row by ageing pop star Duiler and team drunk Fenlon.

The back line featured delicate hamstrings of Sully at nine (because Nudge was late), the returning genius of Steven Dempsey at ten joined by centre pairing of twinkletoes Danny McQuaide and Lyle-o (Sport Billy).

Clerkin took a break from Mensa and played on one wing while Shelfpacker Mooney regretted his announcement that he was a back by being cruelly placed on the wing as we giggled….  The wonderful barnet of Shane Power JPR’d it up at 15.

First Half

The game started as it continued – Meganne caught the ball and charged up the pitch. Playing down the hill with the wind on our backs and the tactical nous of Dempsey directing operations the Barbarians turned it on and on the ten minute mark after a barnstorming Harnett break we camped on the Chaps line and opened the scoring.

A fine take at four by Meganne set up the maul on the 22 and the maul rolled and rolled until Savage managed to get himself at the back (technically he should have been at the front of course) one yard over the line. Struck down with a chronic dose of while line fever he managed to wrestle the ball from the despairing Meganne as he was touching down and with a swift elbow to Niall Hoey’s face fell over the line backwards thus technically carrying over from minus one foot. All the same two in two  - f*ckers!!!!

With the seal broken, the crowd stood back in hushed anticipation ready to get their spirits lifted after the Welsh debacle. There were a few notable spectators looking on (Reggie) and we should take a little credit for the following inspirational AIL Malone victory .

Neil Megannety  - with hair

Despite our best attempts to make Dempsey look sh!te the balding wonder drew five men and slipped over for try two to cheers congratulating Vinny Lloyd Scraggs on a job well done. Thank God he missed the kick and the firsts will surely stick with Jammy.

As the Baa-baas opened their legs to show their class out wide,  Mooney went close with a non trademark 40 yard carry and aggravated a knee injury. Of Course he incurred this attending to a clean up on aisle three.  Luckily the back row were in an unforgiving mood and as Duiler - looking surprisingly fit  managed to create the space for Lyleo to carry over in classic seven play.

After half an hour with the win in the bag savage was subbed bat the request of the rest of the lads in the pack who were gagging at the stench from his shoulder pads. Chip Richardson entered the fold and made an instant impact, showing his Pres Bray pedigree and energising the front row with a number of outstanding carries – one to watch.

With Savage gone Meganne was allowed to get over the line for try number four without anyone trying to steal the ball from his hands – it galls me to admit it but it was well deserved.
The loss of Sully with a strained tanline allowed the Nudge on and the Badger showed why he is the youngest ever hall of famer with an trademark dash break to score what feels like his millionth career try.

Second half

The following are the highlights from the scoreless second half (never mention opposition scores)

Summary

So another fine win for the fours, now playing the most electrifying brand of rugby entertainment in the Leinster league. It is clear that the coaching of Hanley and Mullins has engendered a certain Gallic flair into the Nicotine 15.
Man of the match by a country mile was the outstanding Meganne, named after a French car but with the style of an Italian Alfa Romeo and the Raw Power of an American muscle car.
Other shining stars were returning Harnett, the seventies Whiteman Affro of Cannon and the enigmatic Baldness of Dempsey.
The Fours take their form on the road to Clondalkin next Saturday with the prospect of topping the table with a win on the Northside – the quest for medals continues…..